


About the quiet boy who never smiles

by elyvilon



Category: xxxHoLic
Genre: Character Study, M/M, mentions of side pairings - watanuki/himawari and doumeki/kohane, this was me rationalising watanuki's behaviour to myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:33:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26285740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elyvilon/pseuds/elyvilon
Summary: Watanuki ponders Doumeki. He comes very close to a conclusion.
Relationships: Doumeki Shizuka/Watanuki Kimihiro
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42





	About the quiet boy who never smiles

Watanuki Kimihiro couldn’t stand him. 

It was just his luck that the only person on this godforsaken planet that he had absolutely no tolerance for - and he had tolerated a _lot_ in what he could recall of his lifetime - had the ability to repel all sorts of evil spirits. It had to be him and not, say, sweet and angelic Himawari. In fact the situation in her case was almost the exact opposite. As luck would have it, the one he found constantly by his side was _him_ , and he couldn’t argue with that. Not any more after all this fate and destiny and hitsuzen talk or whatever Yuuko always spouted on about. 

“Oi.” 

“My name is not _oi_ ”. 

A barely raised eyebrow is all that’s offered in response. 

There were countless reasons for him to hate the boy. It was strange, though, that the barest glimpse of him was enough to drive Watanuki into fitful ravings but a pleasant smile would grace his lips at the sight of his grandfather. 

Haruka was the ideal type of man. And what separated him from his grandson was his warm and agreeable demeanor, his talent for speaking (something his grandson did not inherit) and his ability to make facial expressions, particularly that smile. If Doumeki Shizuka were anything like this, maybe, just maybe Watanuki would be able to stand him. 

Of course that would imply that he _wanted_ Doumeki to talk more, smile more, so that maybe he could understand what was going on behind that mask of indifference. But of course that would be a ridiculous suggestion. 

One of the more frightening moments of his life was in a dream, sitting on the porch with Haruka, chatting idly and enjoying the man’s company when he barely managed to catch a thought flit through his mind - something to do with the word 'handsome'. It wouldn’t have been too much of a problem were Haruka not, purely by appearance, identical to Doumeki. Who definitely was not handsome. 

_Okay, maybe a little,_ he thinks as he watches the well-toned arm pull the taut string back, posture perfect, brow curved in concentration and gold eyes calculating. Those eyes, Watanuki thinks, see through everything. Especially now that they're sharing one. Doumeki sees the spirits too - a curse Watanuki was so desperate to get rid of for as long as he could remember. 

The string is released with an audible _twang_ and the arrow hits its mark. The Doumeki-enthusiasts sitting behind him and Himawari break into excited chatter, little birds chirping in unison. 

He easily wins first place. 

_But really,_ he says to himself, _that's the only thing he's got going for him_ _self_ _-_ _his archery skills._ _And maybe his looks._

Doumeki, quiet, closed-off, infuriating Doumeki places a hand on Kohane's head. His expression doesn't change but his eyes aren't steely as usual. There's a warmth inside them that Watanuki has never seen, never knew existed - 

Doumeki had never been good with words. 

He sees the way she looks at him. Watanuki trusts Kohane with all his heart, loves her like she’s his own, and maybe that's why it doesn't sit right in his chest whenever her eyes follow Doumeki's movements in no way that could only be casual interest. 

One day when they're alone he asks, as offhandedly as possible, Kohane about it. She's embarrassed at first, like being called out by her father, before smiling gently in reminiscence. 

"He's so kind, like you. But in a different way." 

When Doumeki is done saving Watanuki's life (again) on another one of Yuuko's little errands, the taller boy comes out with a busted lip and a bloody nose, deep red dripping onto his uniform. 

"Are you alright?" he asks Watanuki. 

_I'm not the one ready to topple over here_. "I'm fine." 

Watanuki loves Himawari. He knows this, and he even gets more than a little miffed when Yuuko implies that that's not the case. Even she can get things wrong. 

He knows, and he would do anything to ensure her happiness, wouldn't do anything to hurt her. Himawari was stronger than she looked, in more pain than she let on. Finding out about her secret - her curse - hadn't chased him away like she had expected, and maybe even wanted. It was the opposite. What was important was that she continued to smile. Genuinely. 

He knows, no matter what Yuuko says and no matter what curse stands between Himawari and himself, what his feelings for her are. Without a doubt. 

Doumeki places a hand on Kohane’s head again, pushes the flaxen hair back from her face. This may be, Watanuki thinks, the first time he's seen the stoic boy show any sign of affection. Is it? Is there truly nothing else he could think of? There is something in the back of his mind that tells him he is wrong, because Doumeki is nothing if not enigmatic.

Watanuki is foolish enough to disregard Kohane's feelings as a temporary thing - a childish crush. 

It was a strange thought, but Watanuki and Doumeki had never really fought. The yelling was always one-sided, and the first time Watanuki saw him lose his placid composure was during the whole eye incident. But this, this is different. 

It would be a lie to say that he had not been the instigator, and Doumeki the reactor - this took Watanuki off guard. Doumeki had never been the type to react. 

He had forgotten, maybe, that even Doumeki had a limit. 

A quiet grunt is lost to the air when he is yanked by the collar. He has to stand on his toes so he doesn't choke, eyes align with the taller boy's. Doumeki's expression is frightening, and Watanuki's chest is a blend of emotion - surprise, fury, despair. Gold eyes burn into his own and his heart races at their close proximity, close enough to feel the other boy's breath on his lips. 

Unsure of where to place his hands, he reaches up to grip the ends of Doumeki's sleeves. They hold each other's gaze with heated intensity. Waiting. 

Watanuki stands in dizzy anticipation for the next move. 

There's a strange pang of disappointment when Doumeki's grip weakens, along with his resolve. He seems to hesitate before walking away. 

He doesn't understand Doumeki, nor does he understand his own feelings for the boy - it feels misplaced, like it's somewhere it shouldn't be, and all his anger, all his frustration isn't what it's supposed to be. 

**Author's Note:**

> So i found this fic sitting in my onedrive that i haven't checked in years. do you know how old this fic is? It's SIX years old! i have not read xxxHOLIC in yeeeeeeeeeeears and can remember very little, but i can tell from this fic that i loved it very much, and was very invested in the characters' interactions. take in mind i haven't read any of the sequels.


End file.
